Diving Through My Fears

My spiritual journey began when I got the call to adventure. Awakening of that part happened when I first trekked the mighty Himalaya, and it had become clear to me then that all fears are overcome only by facing them. Being in this conscious state of mind, I had incepted the thought that 'I am fearless' as all I thought I had to do was put on a brave face. I started to plunge head first into unknown territories without wanting to know how terrified I am. To put it simply, I believed that I am greater than my fears. Years passed, and plunging head first had become second nature to me. With such a mindset I embarked upon a journey to explore the world of Aquaman through Scuba Diving.

My vacation(also read: solo honeymoon) to the Maldives was brought to life when I decided to try all the water activities I could because the initial glimpse of hundreds of couples honeymooning around me left me desolated. Scuba Diving was an obvious entry to my list as Maldives, with its colorful coral reefs and rich aquatic life, is easily among the top 10 places to Scuba in the world! Although expensive, the experience of swimming along with shoals of colorful fishes, sea turtles and blacktip reef sharks was a must have on my bucket list.

Before the dive, an elaborate class on equipment, dos & don'ts and hand gestures is given. A test is conducted and the scuba gear is not handed out until we pass the test. Excited to hit the water soon, fellow divers and I suited up quickly and went to the diving area. We were asked to put on our masks(not the covid ones) and practice breathing through the device. I was embarrassingly surprised by the amount of time and effort it took me to get used to breathing through my mouth for extended periods of time. I was beginning to get nervous as once I go underwater I wouldn't have the luxury of taking off my mask to breathe normally. Fear creeped in but I held brave and showed no signs of it. Taking a giant leap of faith, I jumped into the water within touching distance of my instructor. The moment I hit the water, I was simultaneously awed by the experience of scuba fins and terrified at the fact that I could not breathe(even though I was still breathing). It wasn't just fear, it was also an uncomfortable feeling that something was not right; we are not genetically compatible to breathe underwater. This fear instantly consumed me into a vacuum of terror, and the immediate response was to avoid it. I started to panic. Distressing thoughts took control over my mind: 'What if I struggle to breathe with the device underwater?' 'What if I lose the breathing device from my mouth?' 'What if water seeped in through my mask?' There was no end to these thoughts running haywire in my head as I kept flapping my limbs hastily. I wrestled my instructor who was trying to calm me down, and I tried to swim towards nowhere. 

Others had left for their dive and I was now running out of time. My instructor who was extremely patient until then held my hands and gave me a hard stare. I felt sheepish at that moment and only then did I realize why I was actually there, out of my comfort zone, instead of chillin' by the beach with a beer in my hand. I was there for new experiences. I was there to overcome my fears. I was there to prove to myself that I am greater than my fears. I then decided to trust him and follow every instruction of his blindly. He gently took me underwater and before my hysteric thoughts took shape again, he asked me to look him into his calm eyes. There's something about looking into a fellow human's eyes; it puts your mind at ease, the fears hidden beneath fade away. It is reassuring, and calms you down. He gestured to take a few deep breaths and that was it. With every breath I took, I grew more in confidence. All I had to do was breathe. The serenity I found in being under the surface without the need to go up for air was "breathtakingly" mesmerizing!

Seeing that I was getting comfortable, my instructor deflated my jacket completely as we had to go deeper into the ocean. For the first time in my life, there was neither Earth below nor sky above. What I witnessed then was magical. Firstly, the simple revelatory fact that I was able to move in three-dimensions brought goosebumps all over. Secondly, when I looked around, I was blown away by the colorful coral reefs, the vastness of the ocean and a whole universe of marine life. The world outside water seemed irrelevant when different species of fish swam next to me while a few of them gently kissed my outstretched palms. My perception of time was slowing down. Time paused when I watched a shoal of orange colored tiny fishes swimming in a coordinated manner above me. 

The water kept getting colder and the pressure kept getting higher as we swam deeper into the ocean. However, there was a fixed line for support that we followed to navigate and stay secure. I ensured that I was always within touching distance from it. We dived 12 meters deep by combating the rise in pressure through techniques taught by the instructor during our training session. 

It was starting to get dark due to lack of penetration of sunlight when our instructor, who was also taking my photos, signaled to turn around to start our ascent. I was crestfallen as it felt like we were just getting started. How did an hour pass by in what felt like five minutes? Melancholy struck as I didn't want to turn around; I wanted to explore the depths of the ocean further while enjoying the tranquility I can't seem to find in the human world. It was at that moment that I promised myself to get a PADI certification and scuba dive in the Great Barrier Reef of Australia.

Isn't it surprising that I took excessive pleasure in something which I dreaded to start and almost gave up at the beginning? I enjoyed it so much that I wanted to be a certified diver by the end of an hour's session. In life too, I thought, there's going to be fears and a lot of discomfort when we start something new. The hardest part is the beginning. We must accustom ourselves to push through it, breathe and believe in ourselves; because unless we keep pushing our boundaries constantly, we aren't becoming greater than who we were yesterday.

I would like to end this post by dedicating a quote that was born from my life experiences:
"A person who is resistant to change is a person who is unwilling to grow" - Praneeth Nadella

 

How professional is my posture? 

Practicing breathing in shallow waters

Instructor clicked a ton of these photos but none of the beautiful marine life

Cuz selfies are the way to commemorate experiences

My first onesie outfit